he's done it again

Blogger just wasn't doing it for me anymore. As the great Bill O'Reilly would say, "the fucking thing sucks!" Actually, my taste has been growing more esoteric over the past few months, and B-Sides was always temporary. Last week I discovered a new platform, one that has unlocked my deepest darkest fantasies and brought them to life.

Come join me will ya?

P.S. Update your feed monster.

sour grapes

Party leaders accused the actors Harrison Ford and Cate Blanchett yesterday of promoting crude, anti-Soviet propaganda in their new film, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. They have urged Russian moviegoers to boycott the film and told Ford, 65, not to visit the country.

Indiana Jones and the wrath of the Communist Party

restatement of principles

oh, the horror

"It was a contractor IT error. It was not the fault of the Sydney Football Stadium or the FFA."

Apology given after anthem gaffe

weezer hearts youtube

Go see how and why.

golden haze

Just going with the flow on this one...

after a couple vodka tonics and a handful of ludes janie decided to exercise

just a flesh wound

wwld?

Resistance is futile when Lenin gets overlooked

if you'd like to make a call

a tribute to anton chigurh

arms wide open

Vagner Love and Julio Baptista winning the Copa America 2007 for Brazil.

when we was fab

Emmanuel and Cesc.

agi's top three prospective juror excuses for avoiding serving on the r. kelly case

1. I would change the age of consent.
2. I (heart) R. Kelly
3. I blame R. Kelly for Sept. 11

Let's remember what he's on trial for...

por favor

IMPORTANT: Before booking your selling, please remember:

The purchase of this ticket does not admit refund.

Do not fold the printed ticket.

The selling in advance does not have any reduction or exemptions, only children under six years will be free entrance.

The Prado could use a better translator.

and next week they'll be borrowing against frozen orange juice futures

The centerpiece of Schwarzenegger's budget is a novel plan to ask voters for permission to borrow $15 billion from Wall Street against future earnings of the state lottery, and to temporarily raise the state portion of sales taxes -- now 6.25% -- by 1 percentage point if voters reject the proposal in November.

"As the deficit grew these past few months, I knew that we could not solve this crisis by cuts alone," the governor said in presenting his proposals. "We had to get creative."

Yeah, I guess you could call that creative.

I prefer the Governor when he's being a bit more honest.

welcome to the avalon, 2007

you know you're a redneck when

You eat dried animal products with rednecks on the label.

domestic violence never looked so cool

I'm digging The Kills new album Midnight Boom, but me thinks the concerned proggel folk will not dig their latest video.

the craze sweeping the nation

Photo-bombing!

dig yourself, lazarus dig yourself...

When the deputy opened the last closed door, she smelled "decaying matter" and noticed something piled on what appeared to be a toilet. Lewis told her it was Middlesworth's body, the complaint said.

Lewis told the deputy that Middlesworth had died about two months earlier, but that God told her Middlesworth would come to life if she prayed hard enough. She said she couldn't say anything more until she spoke with her "superior" — Bushey, 57, also known as Bishop John Peter Bushey.

Kids, mom lived with 90-year-old's corpse for weeks in Wis.

via We Love America More Than Anyone

email i just received from oc weekly

Win a Kobe Bryant Vitamin Water Package!

Huh?

Now there's two things I don't need: vitamin water and basketball.

Agi don't play that.

i just gotta say

Them folks at UEFA did a stellar job on the Euro 2008 site.

25 days to go.

why i like arseblog

Tomas Rosicky will miss Euro2008. In fact, I have exclusive news. Tomas Rosicky has been ruled out of life until 2019.

I need a fucking breakfast roll and some coffee and the only thing I have is the coffee. I would trade you all the coffee I had for a breakfast roll now. I may have to go to Tesco. I can’t drive though because I’m still about 92 over the limit. Walking is for cunts. Jesus, this is one shit morning.

More tomorrow.

It ain't just any Arsenal blog - it's fuckin' excellent.

to all the moms out there...

let's invade

definitions

People sometimes ask me, "Hey, Agi...what is The Pime?"

I coined the phrase about ten years ago while watching The Wizard of Oz accompanied by Dark Side of the Moon - or I may have been playing guitar with some Pinot Noir. I'm not sure. Anyways - I defined the phrase a few years ago on Urban Dictionary - you know, that site where the Generation Y kids present their bizarre lingo to the world. I completely forgot about my contribution to the urban dick until La Rana sent me there looking for Superman's Ho, or something.

Well, it appears some punks decided to embellish to my initial definition with a more lyrically perverted concept of the pime:

A strand of cum suspended between any two points, usually between one person's mouth and another person's genitals.

Uh, that's not really what I had in mind when I created this word. But I do like definition #4.

God bless the internets.

...and God damn America!

magic triangle

A promo for the Cesc Fabregas Show featuring Matt Lucas of Little Britain.

tikal, petén, guatemala 2006

(click to enlarge)

foz do iguaçu, 2004

(click to enlarge)

The most beautiful spot on planet Earth I've visited thus far.

ever heard of a safety?

GARDEN GROVE – An 83-year-old man was accidentally shot in the buttocks by his son Tuesday morning, Garden Grove police said.

A man working at Ernie's Smoke Shop at 10678 Katella Ave. got a gun from under the counter to take to the back and clean, but the gun accidentally went off, hitting his father in the backside, Lt. Robert Fowler of the Garden Grove police said.

Man shoots dad in butt

he's a rabbit in your headlights

...for El Serracho who just can't look away. In fact, these vapid plastic shells are everywhere this week. I can't look away either.

The horror, the horror...

the look of longing

Nothing turns on the ladies more than blowing cherry-scented carbon monoxide in their faces.

hard to the core

Yes, but do they return the favor?

his better half

If she really loved USA then she'd drive an American car.

inked

I was going through some old digi photos and came across the ink set. It was the summer of '02 in Berkeley. Man, it was only six years ago but it feels like ages. I went to the shop with Audrey - she got something small done on her lower back. But I went first. She took my camera and documented the whole thing. I guess I was into her - but she had a "boyfriend" back in France. Come to think of it, she was the only blonde that ever really...

1600 pennsylvania avenue (we love it)

Yo Jason, you're being called out, dude.

And I shit you not - parked next to this SUV was a red convertible with license plate "We ♥ USA 2". What a cute couple.

*apologies to Randy Newman

POV

Nike football
Uploaded by toufic123

This new Nike ad is fucking sick.

he didn't know

CNN, the gift that keeps on giving.

that time of year

There's more daylight to go around. It's 6 AM and the sun is already peeking through my window blinds. Even Bob Marley wants to move his dancing feet. I complain it's hot and I drink hot coffee. I recoil at the thought of hot, pollen-filled gusts but I roam the trails on a two wheel. Last weekend felt like summer. It burned.



We are a fever. Get over it.

your guess is as good as mine

The Real Betis mascot looks like the bastard love child of Frylock and a rotten turnip wrapped in the Andalucian flag.

a new kind of violence

Accidents Happen, 2008.

whirling, whirling, whirling towards freedom

SAO PAULO, Brazil (AP) — Hopes for finding a priest who disappeared after soaring into the air with hundreds of colorful balloons are growing slimmer, rescue officials said Wednesday.

Roman Catholic Rev. Adelir Antonio de Carli has been missing since Sunday, when he lifted off from the port city of Paranagua wearing a helmet, an aluminum thermal flight suit, waterproof coveralls and a parachute. He was seeking to break a record for the longest time in-flight with helium-filled party balloons.

Hopes fade for finding balloonist priest in Brazil

ronaldo penalty miss

The whiny little bitch asks god why he missed a penalty in the 2nd minute of the Barcelona-Man United Champions League semi-final. Everybody hurts, my friend. This day, it was god's will.

Lionel Messi's cheeky little trick is sure to impress.

the italian bitter orange

Crushed Ice
2 liberal shots Sweet Vermouth
2 liberal shots Campari
Juice of 1/2 a Valencia Orange

wake me up before you go go

The look on the face of Cesc is effin hilarious. Obviously this captures the mood at the Emirates around January, before Arsenal blew away the league title. Oh well, there's always next year...

via The Beautiful Game

weird science

more music more music more music

An alternate version of Spoon's "You Got Yr Cherry Bomb".

get it while it's hot

Grab Weezer's new single Pork and Beans. I'm pleasantly surprised. Sounds like it could have been a Blue Album B-Side.

pitch invasion

knights in satan's service

Refacing Government Tender

this is how you editorialize the police blotter

look how happy they are

back from the dead

The things you enjoyed from your youth always stick.

vittoria

71 is the new 51? If a septuagenarian can win in Italy then maybe he could win here. Take some pointers Mr. McCain. Props to the Los Angeles Times for showing Francesco Totti in the voting booth. But he bleeds Roma, so I can't see him casting a vote for Mr. Milan, but you never know...

the economy needs you!

hands down you're beautiful

please pardon the dust

Bear with me during this redecorating process. I am experimenting with new templates and want to spruce up the place. I already uploaded one I didn't like and it wiped out some widgets. Eventually I'll get the place to look half decent - but I'll never achieve the greatness in design that is A Discordian Dilemma - not on old blogger. By far, Ahenobarbus has the most visually stunning layout in blogtopia.

this is jesse's brain on drugs

Any questions?

tits and ass now part of a balanced breakfast

The Simpsons has been dropped from morning TV in Venezuela after being deemed unsuitable for children - and has been replaced by Baywatch. The popular US cartoon about the yellow dysfunctional family was branded "inappropriate" and pulled by the country's television authorities. Caracas TV station Televen has started showing episodes of the beachside show in the same mid-morning slot.

Link: Simpsons ditched by Venezuelan TV

the evil patriarchy rears its ugly head again

NEW YORK (Reuters Life!) - For married women who can't figure out why they always have so much housework researchers may have the answer -- husbands.

A new study from the University of Michigan shows that having a husband creates an extra seven hours of extra housework a week for women. But a wife saves her husband from an hour of chores around the house each week.

"It's a well-known pattern. There's still a significant reallocation of labor that occurs at marriage -- men tend to work more outside the home, while women take on more of the household labor," said Frank Stafford, of the university's Institute for Social Research (ISR), who directed the study.

Feh, not in my house. I do the cooking and cleaning. But seriously, if these douchebags could just clean up after themselves then there would be no need for seven hours of extra housework per week.

if he ever stops using it we're done

There were many great quotes in the original, but I had to pair it down a bit...

previous atttempts: Rejuvenique and Seduxion

i just might have an option

Rick Sanchez doing his best impression of Ryan Seacrest interviewing Mike Gravel. I wonder if Paula Abdul is feeling this.

saturday mornings

Wake up. Go downstairs. Make coffee. Fire up the laptop. Switch on FSC. Right now Newcastle are dismantling Reading - Newcastle just scored their third goal - a beautiful collaborative effort between Viduka, Geremi and Martins. It's 3-0 now. Looks like they'll survive - the Geordies will be singing and Keegan won't be crying in the shower tonight.

My weekends consist heavily of futbol. Watch one or two Saturday morning games live from the UK. Catch a bit of La Liga from Spain around noon. Sunday, go kick it around at the park.

you know they want to

don't go usin' no sink fool

Fuckin' java addicts.

yoo da man

Dude, I'd be afraid to attend office hours. I mean, I might get waterboarded, or the least, tazed bro.

obey your thirst

10 most historically inaccurate movies

While I disagree with some of the selections on this list, it is worth pointing out that Mel Gibson has been involved in 30 percent of these films. Speaking of history on film, we've been watching Season 1 of The Tudors this weekend. It makes for a compelling drama - but as I'm not well versed in English history I'm not sure what is fact and what is fiction. For instance, did Thomas Boleyn really pimp out his daughter (yes, actual pimping - pay attention David Schuster) to persuade the king to axe Cardinal Wolsey as his adviser?

bear witness

weather report

With each repeated viewing I get closer to the truth.

what's the frequency, vera?

Fox 11 morning news show helicopter pilot/traffic reporter Rick Dickert may have the name. But my heart will always lie with the beautiful Vera Jimenez. The best part of waking up - besides my morning cup of Joe - are her glorious blue screen traffic reports.

free money!

Pentagon gives inexperienced 22 year-old $300 million contract

lord have mercy

from Detroit Rock City, 1999.

so...

How's that surge going?

funny that it took them so long to realize hillary is a power mad egotrip who will do anything to become president

This alone has to amount to some sort cosmic encounter like something out of a Wagner opera. Remember, this is the guy who spent millions of dollars puffing up wingnut fantasies about Hillary's having Vince Foster whacked and lots of other curdled and ugly nonsense. Scaife was the nerve center of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy. Those of us who spent years defending the Clintons from all that malarkey learned this point on day one.

Link: Ya Think?

you can thank the permatemps for this one

Nothing conveys the serious threat of car bombs like an official State Department document titled "When Broken Down Vehicles Go Boom!"

slick as snake oil

Another casualty of the GOP primary season.

hell yeah

The Raconteurs, "Salute Your Solution"

kate beckinsale would rather eat vagina than sushi

st. john and his disciples

Visit Area 51 for the explosive version.

only 1.8 billion to go...

la cumbia de rambo

Rambo doesn't like war. Rambo likes to dance!

via atormentado.

don't fuck wit da police

a bad case of crabs

Bow down before the greatness that is...the Ninja Terminator!

but we're still fantastic

The front page of today's Reg.

man i love these blue blockers

it works better if you use your upper forehead

The "Soccer Header Fail", my own submission to FAIL Blog.

then he began to wash the disciples’ feet

About six students set up a demonstration depicting waterboarding torture of Guantanamo Bay detainees on Wednesday. Then, they demonstrated a different kind of treatment and symbolically washed the feet of a student dressed as a detainee.

Jake Olzen is a 23-year-old pastoral studies graduate student at the Jesuit school in Chicago. He says the demonstration symbolizes the violence shown in the war and juxtaposes with people's capacity for nonviolent compassion.

Link: Loyola Students Protest 5 Years Of Iraq War

always something there to remind me

I received an ad in the mail for Fitness Boot Camp. Me thinks the dude pictured above looks as excited as the kids below. They do run run.

another reason i regret romney dropped out so soon

It also holds small varmints.

woman finds crack cocaine in sandwich

five years

step inside

...and stay

you don't have to do the crime to do the time

haute cotoure

"Understood in its totality, the spectacle is both the result and the project of the dominant mode of production. It is not a mere decoration added to the real world. It is the very heart of this real society’s unreality. In all of its particular manifestations — news, propaganda, advertising, entertainment — the spectacle represents the dominant model of life. It is the omnipresent affirmation of the choices that have already been made in the sphere of production and in the consumption implied by that production. In both form and content the spectacle serves as a total justification of the conditions and goals of the existing system. The spectacle also represents the constant presence of this justification since it monopolizes the majority of the time spent outside the production process." (SotS 1:6)

war is a gas

fiVe years later.

No weapons of maSS Destruction.

Still mass hysteria.

war is a gAs.

dinner, flowers, jewelry

"If they ask," she said, "You say, 'Sadly there are some women who feel that when they have an intimate experience with someone they need to get paid for it. This is something that is not healthy, and I don't accept it or condone it.' "

Then, Kuriansky said, parents should steer the conversation toward the kind of healthy relationship children should aspire to. "Shift it to what is positive," she said.

Link: Scandal hard to keep from children

understanding in a car crash

Deputies say bystanders helped capture a naked man after he ran from a car crash in Laguna Niguel. Orange County authorities say the man ran from a Volvo that plowed into a parked car and flipped over Wednesday.

The driver ran down a street until he fell and was subdued by bystanders and an arriving deputy. Geoffrey Turnbull, 42, of Laguna Niguel was arrested for investigation of drunken driving. Authorities said tests will determine whether he also was under the influence of drugs.

Link: Naked man caught by bystanders after car crash

no more malcolm

Breaking Bad.

dig yourself